While many seniors are rightfully dispersing tips about studying, college applications, and appreciating WTHS while you have it through their Scratch Paper reflections, I would like to discuss an often ignored–yet absolutely integral–aspect of our high school. 

The back parking lot. 

(After reading that line and the following lines, you may conclude that this article lacks in applicable, relevant substance, but I hope it moves you emotionally nonetheless.)

Adorned with numerous “donut” tire tracks, a beautiful view of the softball fields, the other parking lots, and a resident’s backyard, and having direct entrances from both Almond and Gages Lake roads, the back parking lot is truly a vibrant utopia of the Chicago suburbs and is perhaps the best feature of our beloved Warren. It is a peasant’s paradise, a simple man’s sanctuary, if you will. But, despite these affectionate titles, the back parking lot often gets a bad rep from students due to its distance from the main entry-way and anti-elitism. Its inclusion–its very strength–seems to be a negative for many students, who may prefer the elite-early-bird-exclusivity of the front lot. (I’m not even going to compare and contrast the back lot to the side lot in this reflection because why would anyone want to be imprisoned by buses after school every day and thus have their lives dictated by the activity of a caravan of 36,000 pound vehicles?)

Anyways, on the aspect of distance, why are we, as Americans, concerned about walking a couple hundred more feet per day when heart disease is the leading cause of death and 40% of U.S. adults are obese? We need to start making healthy lifestyle choices as youngsters to easily apply to our crystallized adult life, and parking in the back lot is a pivotal first step. (And also many more steps because you will have to walk a little bit further to get to your classes.)

And, on inclusivity, nowhere else in Warren is there as welcoming a location as the back lot! Truly this beautiful region of toxic asphalt and fading yellow lines should be the only photo on the WTHS website simply because of its hospitable approach to life. Running late? Fear not, as driving in through the back way near the baseball and softball fields is rarely ever clogged! Scared you won’t be able to find a spot? Don’t be, as the back lot, true to its inclusive nature, boasts spot after spot of empty spots! Spot spot spot! Are you not even a WTHS student and just desire to walk your dog in a random parking lot towards the back of a school? You absolutely can! In the back lot, no one is turned away and everyone is given a complimentary breakfast. Well, at least it feels like that! Love and full tummies!!

To top off breakfast, the dessert of the back lot is its delightfully mechanical experience while exiting. Simply wait in line or insert yourself (power), and with the flick of the crossing guard’s hand suddenly any “congestion” in the lot immediately dissipates, almost like the trachea of a choking person when the bread that threatened their life is now sitting soggily on the table after the Heimlich maneuver was performed on them. This efficiency is drastically different from that of the front lot, as incoming and outgoing traffic–especially the movement of the humorously large caravan of buses—adds in not just pieces of bread, but also chicken and grapes into the tracheas of the exit-ways and makes de-clogging the airway of the front lot much more difficult. In other words, do not suffocate away in the front lot when you can easily hack up the enemy of the state (bread and chicken and grapes) out of your lungs while in the back lot!

To throw in another graphic, life-threatening metaphor, I used to desperately claw my way into the front lot, savagely battling other bleary-eyed predators in an effort to barely snag (or not) the precious, limited resource that is a front lot parking spot. Through these experiences, all my years of equipping myself with a well-rounded understanding of humanistic morals and a positive treatment of others vanished. And, I think I almost developed an ulcer worrying about parking along with everything else that a high schooler worries about. You want to talk about Vietnam? Try getting into the front lot, then we’ll talk.

I’ll try to keep your attention after having made that rather distasteful comment with these closing questions: Does unnecessary stress matter more to you than reliability? Does the “elitism” of the front lot outweigh the blissful “commonness” of the back lot?

Please mill on these inquiries and do adequate soul searching. But, I believe you’ll find your morning drive to be both safer and more satisfying once you make the switch to the back parking lot, if you are not already a devoted subscriber to it. 

Stay stress free, future classes, and always cherish what seems most “average” and “available”.