Like every other senior on Earth, I am asked the same question thirty times a day: “Are you happy or sad that high school is almost over?” While I doubt there is much thought put into asking that, I never feel I can appropriately answer it. Like you have to be just one. So ecstatically joyful that high school was the worst four years of your life and you can’t get out fast enough. Or, on the contrary, so utterly miserable that you will have to leave this place where everything just made sense and life was simple. For most of us, I think we fall somewhere in the middle. I’ve settled on “bittersweet”. When I look back on the last four years, I remember everything bitter and everything sweet but am grateful for it all.

Freshman year felt something like a fever dream. Not getting to go in person until the second semester was hard for many of us, and delayed building relationships with our peers or building any real sense of class pride. However, considering I still had about another year of braces at that point, maybe the masks weren’t my enemy after all. 

As I found my way into tenth grade, I still felt like I was floating in some space that I didn’t know my role in. I think it’s acceptable to have no idea what you’re doing when you’re sixteen. So, to all the incoming high schoolers of the world: send streaks, wear Nike socks way too high above your Converse, rock a side part, and use that one filter that makes your Instagram photos look orange. Embrace all of the awkwardness. You will find yourself somewhere along the way, I promise. And I did.

Junior year, while academically the hardest (yes, I’m sorry it’s true) was when everything kind of started to make sense. After two years of dancing around 100 extracurriculars, I figured out what I enjoyed. I figured out the type of people I wanted to surround myself with. I think that is the biggest piece of advice I’d give anyone who is entering a new stage in their life. Yes, you may have to step outside of your comfort zone and try new things. But if you find the right people to surround yourself with, it’s not so bad. 

Now that I am a senior, I of course feel wiser than I was at fifteen. But one of the ironic things about life is that it will throw you a challenge, and just when you think you’ve conquered that one, hand you another. One day you’re a senior who feels like they know everything and the next you’re packing up your life to become a freshman again. You’re always learning. In retrospect, I know that there is no way to “do” high school all that gracefully. You have to fail and embarrass yourself, or else you’re kind of just floating. Find who and what grounds you.